Saturday, 20 October 2007

Never again will I bake!

That's it. After today, never again will I bake.

I used to weigh a bit over 200 pounds, and if I do say so, I was a pretty good baker. I made some darn good cakes, bread, you name it. But over the last coming up on four years, I have changed my eating habits very much, and I have got out of the habit of baking. I've lost 70 pounds and also my ability to produce a cake. On the rare occasion when I attempt something like a vegan banana bread, it's pretty good, but it's hit or miss. I always used to wing a recipe, with great success I might add, but alas I have lost the knack.

Today I have flung my last attempt in the bin, with the added fun of splashes of batter hitting the kitchen cabinets, the oven floor and the front of my trouser legs. All sorts of language that sounded nothing like the metta sutta could be heard. The baking powder then went into the bin. The last remnants of the vanilla extract went into the bin. I briefly considered following up with the loaf pans and measuring cups, but figured they might come in handy for a vegetarian nut roast or something so they were spared. The husband was so alarmed he retreated to the bedroom and proceeded to hang up the fresh laundry. He is even now aimlessly shifting things around in the living room in an attempt to restore order to our usually placid home.

It started innocently enough, the notion that I would use the cooking apples someone gave me from her apple tree to make an apple cake loaf. I thought I'd make a banana loaf with some apples in. But the bananas weren't quite ripe enough. Okay, never mind. Then there wasn't quite enough flour. It'll be fine. Then I decided to use macadamia nut oil, which seemed a little overpowering, so I added some cinnamon. Good. Looked thick, so I added soy milk. Everything's fine. Then I added too much baking powder. I have a tendency to do this. I put the cake in the oven anyway, saying that I hoped it didn't cook over into the stove. As I said it, I heard a sizzle. Yes, it had already begun to foam over everywhere. In vain, I attempted to pour half the batter into another loaf pan. It got all over my oven mitt. Suddenly I felt really sick and angry and thought, "This is so stupid. Why am I trying to rescue this stupid batter made with free apples? I don't even need to eat this stuff anyway!" We'd already had lovely vegan pizzas and dark chocolate for lunch. We didn't need cake. I took the two loaf pans out of the oven and raked the batter into the bin.

This was not a moment of zen for me. What would Thay say! He'd probably just laugh. That's what I think I will do. (Once I'm finished stomping around in a huff.)

I'm still never baking again! Life's too short to ruin a perfectly good Saturday like this. Next time I want cake, I'll buy one!

May all beings be at ease.


blondeez said...

I love to bake, but it is a mood that strikes, not a thing I will do because I have come into ingredients unexpectedly. If I have to do it before the apples go bad, it has suddenly become a chore instead of a hobby. And I find baking vegan food much more difficult, if only because I am more familiar with how non-vegan baking reacts to changes in ingredients.

I hope you laughed heartily, and then bought some good cake (if you wanted any in the first place).

Leanne_Nalani said...

I can't cook but I can bake. I haven't done it in a long time, though. I'm sorry your experience wasn't so great, to say the least! It was entertaining to read. :p

At least if you never bake a cake again, that's one less cake to put in your tummy!


Anonymous said...

congrats on losing and keeping off the 70 lbs!

Try making some raw cakes if baking isnt working out for you!