Saturday, 15 December 2007

Confessions of a student driver

'Oops, shi*--sorry!'

'Oh man I don't know what's wrong, I'm really feeling like I'm going to be ill.'

'I don't think I can fu**ing do this.'

'I am never going to pass my test.'

What skill was I trying to master? Reversing around a corner? Reversing into a bay? Parallel parking? Nope. It was turning left and right using the push-pull steering technique. He kept asking me if I was thinking about it. I was supposed to say I was not thinking about it. But how can I effing do it if I'm not allowed to think about it? The last time he asked me if I thought about it, I said no. Lie.

I officially can announce that I hate driving lessons. I hate them. I fu**ing HATE them. It's not the driving instructor's fault. It's the whole atmosphere of driving lessons.

I have never felt so tense while driving in my entire life as I have felt when accompanied by a driving instructor. I can't explain why that is, other than the fact that he is actually scrutinizing and commenting on my every move and gesture. That would make anyone tense, in any situation. I mean, imagine you're cutting up an onion. You thought you could cut up onions--you've been doing it all your life. Then some trained soux chef stands next to you and says, 'Do you think you should cut the root off first?' 'Why would you want to hold the knife that way?' 'What do you think is the reason why you ought to cut in straight lines?' 'Actually, it's safest to hold your hand flat on top and make horizontal cuts,' etc. And then your hands start to shake, you suddenly feel you don't know up from down, so you stand there waiting for him to tell you what to do next because you've become afraid to do anything at all, and at the end of your onion-cutting lesson, you get 'Displays skill when prompted' ticked on your key skills log sheet. Would that not put you off onions for life?

(Okay, okay, strange analogy. I just finished cutting up an onion.)

*Heavy sigh*

No wonder Derek is shy of driving. He's only ever been behind the wheel with a driving instructor. If I had only ever driven in that situation, I'd be freaking dang afraid to drive, too! I told him how much more at ease he will feel when he is free to relax and just drive the damn car.

I know, I know, potty mouth. Sorry for all the bad language, sorry, sorry, sorry. I most assuredly did not display any of my lofty Buddhist notions of inner calm today. This happens to me a lot. In the heat of the moment, there's often not much but heat. There are so many areas of my life that need improving. Knowing how to deal with anxiety is WAY up there on the list.

Well, I have my next lesson on Wednesday. Driving instructor says he is going to take me to a new area and we will do some 'more normal' driving than what we've done so far. Thank goodness for that!

Wish me luck, and send me calming energy--those of you who do Ravi & Ana's kundalini yoga, send out healing vibes to me at the end of your sets, please!

May all beings be at ease.


Fat-Free Vegan said...

So from the picture I assume you guys have learner tags too? That blew me away when I first moved to Australia. "You mean you single out new drivers by making them display an L or P next to their license plate? Oh, yeah, way to not put pressure on them, now they know everyone else knows they're new at this!" I still find it odd.

Now explain this 'push-pull' method of steering you're talking about, cuz I just don't get it!

Anna (who's back after her blog has been released from lockdown)

Carla said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Carla said...

I tried to describe the steering technique above but found a video online that shows you in all its glory:

Derek said...

Good luck with your driving, luv! I agree with you that it is very stressful. Stick with it - I'm sure it will get easier.

Fat-Free Vegan said...

Carla, I had a look at that video ... I must say, I don't know anyone who steers that way on a regular basis. I guess I use different methods depending on the particular turn I am making, but it would be awkward to do that all the time! Best of luck with it!

Oh ... I also had a look at Derek's profile. My word, we have something else in common. Well ... kinda! He expressed interested in older video games ... my husband collects old pinball machines! We have 3 in our home - Hot Hand, Kiss and Stars.

jamie said...

the clouds will part,and the sun will shine the moment your examiner tells you you've passed your test... trust me,it will so be worth it. it's miserable being a learner driver,but stick at it and the rewards will be,well,more wealth than you can imagine.
apologies for the ham-fisted star wars quote there,x.

jamie said...

and no worries with all the swearing,i love it!
but not in front of the children.