Thursday, 12 June 2008

No more news

I am not watching the news any more.

It was bad enough when watching the news gave me a sense of impending doom and disaster--budget deficits, dangerous yobs on the streets with knives, OAPs being conned or molested in their homes, rising house prices, etc, etc, but now, on top of the doom and gloom, I am forced to endure story after story about celebrities. It all winds me up and I hereby declare I am freeing my mind from it. I am not watching it any more.

What story could have been the last straw? Colleen Whatsername and that footballer with the round red face are getting married. They've spent a bunch of money on it and have booked up an abbey or something for five days and there are British goombah security guys standing guard over it. Okay. So a house of God is closed to the public because some oik from a counsel estate who can bounce a ball off his head has made an insane amount of money and has absolutely no class or taste but does have the dosh to do the most coarse, gauche things. Like hire an 80 metre yacht and an abbey, spend £5 million on a wedding. And have his face on my telly for the majority of my morning. In the meantime, there are things happening in the world that I might like to know about, things that actually have some relevance to me. Like whether it's going to rain this afternoon! I mean, I've barely recovered from the spectacle of Jordan in her Barbie fashions pink wedding gown! Now this! What have I learned from the morning news? Shrek's getting married and Del Boy won 'The Apprentice'. I feel so edified.

From now on, I'm either going to just keep the blooming telly off in the morning, or I'm going to turn it to UK Gold or Dave TV and watch old reruns of comedy shows. It's not going to make a dime's bit of difference whether I watch the news or not. The only difference to the world that it's going to make is that I will no longer feel a sense of dread about the prospects for the future of myself and this country, because I won't have heard all the gloomy stories, and I won't be wound up by being forced to listen to the inane doings of useless tossers who somehow managed to get themselves rich and famous.

I feel better already.

May all beings be at ease, even if you are still watching the travesty that is network news.


Derek said...

Fantastic love, very well put! :)

The BBC Breakfast show has to have a cross appeal of 'news' and 'magazine' type journalism to appeal to all, as people leave for work. That's why it basically repeats every half an hour. They used to be more serious in tone and content, but like everything now, it's been dumbed down to appeal to the lowest thicko knuckle dragger. I don't really miss the show now I'm not around to watch it much, but I do like some of the presenters, such as Bill Turnbull and Susanna Reid (the Cromer crabs banter between them to was so funny!)so it's ok. My favourite shows are the BBC local news shows: Midlands Today is wonderful! No one reads the weather as good as Shefali Oza....and as for Nick Owen's lame gags and Suzanne Verdy's giggling -- he he, great stuff. :)

The best news show is Channel 4's news show. On the other end of the spectrum, Fox News on satellite is a flag waving bag of turd!

ITV's GMTV is even worse....those dozy f*ckwits on there make my brain melt.

Carla said...

Oh it's all crap and I say good-bye to it with pleasure!

Morandia said...

If I was the one paying the bill, cable TV would be gone! I can catch the shows I want online, and avoid all the hooha. It's so not worth watching....

Mark said...

I agree that television news has become hopelessly dumbed down. In fact even using the word 'news' in the title seems to be a breach of trade descriptions. How about, substituting with one of the following: hysteria, speculation, ill-informed comment, celebrity gossip, filler, etc because these are more appropriate names for the programmes that are called 'news.'