Monday, 29 September 2008

What have I done?

For the last several months I've been living like it's party time, as far as my diet goes. Eating junk for snacks and anything I fancy for dinner. The months have gone by and my weight has been rock steady at 134--until the last couple of months. A slow increase...maybe it's hormones, I thought. Maybe it's water. BUT TODAY I WEIGHED 137.8 lbs. I haven't weighed this much in years. I can see a difference in the way my trousers fit around my upper thighs and I just feel pudgy. I have gained 6 lbs since this time last year. SIX POUNDS!! That's 21,000 surplus calories now riding my thighs and butt. I put every last morsel of that in my mouth of my own free will. I did it to myself.

It seems so silly, but the only thing I can think of to do is just pray for strength not to eat so poorly! I know there are people in the world with far greater worries than a matter of 6 pounds, but 6 pounds soon can become 60 pounds. I used to be 60 pounds heavier than I am now, and more. I know what's it like. Why would I send myself back in that direction?

I know that in the long run, no Jaffa cake or stupid chocolate digestive is worth it. It's the instant gratification and illogical feeling of defiance that I struggle with. I want to get back to the place where I was before, when I was so smug and self-satisfied at my ability to sit and sip water through an entire break at work, and when I didn't snack on stuff at home because there wasn't anything here to snack on!

I wish I could find a book that was as big a shock to my system as John Robbins was. That book changed my life. I need another jolt.

1 comment:

Anna Down Under said...

I've always said I'm an expert at losing weight, I do it all the time. Now KEEPING it off, that's a trick. And you've been amazingly successful at it!

Small fluctuations are normal, but 6 pound is time to check yourself, and you've done that. I'm sure you'll get it under control.

True, to most of us 6 doesn't sound like much - but you and I both know from experience that it doesn't take much at all for it to become 60.