Saturday, 31 January 2009

Someone posted this on a 'clean eating' thread on a fitness message board I check daily. The poster was talking about so-called 'semi' vegetarians:

People want others to think better of them so they try to put on fronts, like I am humane so I won't eat meat. I am one that believes we should own our choices. I'm a meat eater. I try not to eat it at every meal for both health and budget reasons but I do enjoy it.

I agree with her sentiment that people who call themselves vegetarian yet still continue to eat animal foods are putting on a front. I can't imagine how you can try to have it both ways.

I posted the following as my reply. Hubby liked it so much he suggested I add it to my blog as well, so here it is:

I don't know if I am humane. Probably not. But I know that with my situation as it is now--food being plentiful and the luxury of choice available to me--for some reason that I can't explain, my compassion extended to animals, and now when I look at a piece of meat, I don't see just a cut of something to cook for dinner. I can't help but see it as a body part of a once-living thing. I can no longer look at a cute little piglet and say 'Aww', and then go to the kitchen and fry some bacon. And yet a few years ago, you could not have convinced me that I would ever think twice about eating animal products. I could not have cared less that a cow was kept in confinement and felt fear--truly, I said many times that if it came to a choice between them and cheap meat, well, there was no question--cheap meat and plenty of it, please! I will never know why this aversion to flesh clicked in me at the ripe old age of 37, but it did. I don't know why suddenly looking at bacon made me think of a living, breathing, feeling entity. I don't know why I suddenly looked at animals, looked into their eyes and saw awareness, consciousness, a life that I could value and respect. But I did.

Around the time this feeling was awakening in me (and I have to add, this didn't really happen to me until I'd been a strict vegetarian for over two years!), we visited Shropshire, and near a small pond, there were some ducks. There was this one female duck lying down on an embankment that was chest-high to me as I walked along the pavement by it. This meant that she and I were at eye level to each other. She was very calm and tame, and I was able to stop in front of her and just look. I was no more than a foot from her. She eyed me with one side of her head, as birds do, but she did not get up and walk away, and did not seem terribly ill at ease, just wary. A male duck, presumably her mate, hovered in the background about 6 feet away from us. He stared at me and I felt sure he was watching for one false move on my part. I'm sure he would have taken action if I'd been at all threatening, but I just stood and stared at this duck and talked to her very quietly. Ducks have an unreal look, don't they? They look like dolls or toys, in a way. This sounds ridiculous, but as I looked at her, I noticed that her sides were moving in and out with her breath. And a feeling flooded over me, a feeling of realisation: This creature is alive. She is alive and she is aware, and she values her life, and she feels security, she feels comfort, she feels pain, she feels fear. I stopped talking to her in playful, condescending tones. It suddenly seemed strangely disrespectful. I was so taken aback that I stepped backward, and turned to my husband and told him what I thinking, and he just smiled gently and said yes.

For me, it's not a front.

I know, I know--and freely admit--of course if I were desperate, if I were starving, I would eat meat. Any of us would do anything needed to stay alive. But you know what? So would they. And while I have a choice, I choose not to torture and kill animals to keep myself alive. I want no part of that.

Thursday, 29 January 2009

Forget your troubles-- come on! Get tappy...

So I've been reading this book L of a Way 2 Pass by Diane Hall, who is both an ADI driving instructor and Thought Field Therapy practictioner (which is just a way cool combination, if you ask me). I've read through the book twice now and am working my way through it again. It really seems to be helping me approach my driving anxiety in a more proactive way. But the TFT techniques in the book are very complicated, and the idea of having to memorize them all made me feel more anxiety. Then I read that a student of the guy who invented TFT simplified it to a method called 'EFT'--Emotional Freedom Technique. And wouldn't you know it, an EFT practictioner (Healing Touch Therapies) lives right here in my town and is the niece of someone I used to work with! So I contacted her and had my first session yesterday. What I thought would happen there did.

It was a cathartic experience. In 90 minutes, we peeled back layers of emotions to get to the root of my anxiety. I was not surprised to find the root cause--my decision to move to the UK 7 years ago, leaving my son in the custody of his father. This issue, and its accompanying complex web of emotions, has been the centre of a vortex of anxieties spiraling across my life. You've heard of 6 degrees of separation? Well, I can go from any point, any object, any topic, in my head or heart, straight back to this issue and this guilt, in about 3 moves, let alone 6. And even if I don't consciously make the connection, the residual effects are stamped all over my emotional reactions to things. Right down to feeling anxious at a roundabout.

During the session, I found myself saying, 'I can't let go of this guilt, I can't let go of it.' The practitioner began the tapping sequence, and one thing she said during it resounded in my heart like a bell: 'I am afraid to release this guilt because I don't know what will replace it.' When the tapping sequence ended, I said to her, 'I think that's it. I don't want to let go of this guilt because somehow I feel it is the last vestige of my motherhood. And if I let go of this guilt, it will mean I have no feeling left. No motherhood.' She began another tapping sequence, and during it she said (speaking as me--I was to repeat after her, which I did), 'I don't want to let go of this guilt because it is a link to the past. It is a link to my child. But I can find better links.' Well. It just seemed so amazingly simple in that moment. I can find better links to my child. The guilt is not the only link. The guilt is not making me 'not a bad mother.' The guilt is only making me miserable. And I can find better links to him. Of course. Of course.

I always feel watched, criticised, judged. When I'm driving, I feel like the other drivers are wondering what my problem is, wondering what I'm doing out on the road at all, holding them up, condemning me. During a lesson, I feel like my driving instructor is watching me, criticising me, condemning me. And when people are not condemning me--when they're being nice to me--I feel like if they only knew what a bad person I am, a mother who left, then they would condemn me, too. Yes, the anxiety of driving can be traced back to this root cause. Because it's not about my driving ability, it's about my perception of myself.

My assignment for my next session is to make a list of my emotions and my reasons for making the choices I did back then when I moved. I have to make peace with them and deal with this whole issue. Then I can finally move on.

What is EFT?

stands for 'Emotional Freedom Technique'. It is a meridian based therapy aimed at promoting the free flow of energy along the body's meridian or energy lines.

When we are distressed or emotionally out of balance this free flow is inhibited and we feel down and sluggish.

Tapping on certain Meridian points whilst focusing on the event and underlying emotion releases this'energy block' helping you to feel more balanced on all levels.

EFT is a brilliant self-help tool which can be applied to many problems which involve a high emotional charge.

EFT is a modern development from the ancient Chinese concept of our energy meridians and has been described as 'psychological acupuncture, but without the needles'. Connecting mind, body and emotions via our life energy system, the technique has a wide range of applications and combines well with other therapies. By clearing disruptions in the body's energy system, encouraging results have been achieved in the EFT field when working with fears & phobias, addictions, weight loss, self-image, confidence, headaches & migraines, physical & emotional pain, and chronic illnesses.

Los Angeles surgeon Eric Robins, M.D., a leading advocate of the healing powers of EFT comments "Some day the medical profession will wake up and realize that unresolved emotional issues are the main cause of 85% of all illnesses. When they do, EFT will be one of their primary healing tools ... as it is for me."

Dr. Robins says it strengthens his patients' immune systems, improves their overall health, and reduces stress and anxiety.

"Whenever someone has a chronic or recurring problem," he explains, "I ask about anything, including emotional issues, that might affect the condition. Most physicians shy away from asking personal questions because it's like opening a Pandora's box--suddenly you have a dozen problems instead of just one. But I'm convinced that's where the answers are. We're not going to become a healthier nation by taking more drugs, It's a well-known fact that most patients going to a primary care physician's office have functional medical problems, which means they have genuine symptoms, but their exams, lab tests, and x-rays can't find anything wrong. These people aren't crazy, they're perfectly sane, but their symptoms are not the result of an external cause. They're the result of how they hold stress in their bodies, and stored stress interferes with their energy flow." (Well Being Journal, May/June 2006)

Feeling stuck? Tap into a better you--with EFT

I don't know much about stress blockages or energy fields,and it's worth saying that both TFT and EFT are looked upon as 'fringe psychological therapies', but that doesn't bother me. Just because the concepts of energy meridians, chakras and other ancient healing theories (like my beloved kundalini yoga and flower remedies) are not proven in clinical trial doesn't mean they won't be meaningful. Particularly if the 'ailment' is 'all in my head'--wouldn't it be even better if the solution was also 'all in my head'? Traditional therapy and medications never helped me. (I was on Paxil off and on for a few years before I moved here and briefly after.)

Anything's worth a try.

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Self-catering? Self-catering? I've seen it. I've tasted it--it's the future.

We just got back from a 4-day weekend in Kent. The weather wasn't great (England in January seldom is) but we enjoyed our stay. We saw lots of great stuff and had a relaxing time. It was so interesting to see the spot where Thomas a Becket was martyred, to walk the Roman wall of Canterbury, to see Leeds Castle and enjoy the exotic species of birds in is aviary, and then travel to the coast to see the North Sea from Whitstable and then on to St Albans to see the beautiful cathedral and some of the best Roman antiquities I've ever seen. Best of all, the whole trip cost us well under £400!

We stayed in 4-star, self-catering accommodation in Canterbury and so I was able to prepare all our meals and snacks myself, thus avoiding the aspect of travel that I hate so much--eating out. The source of all my holiday stress is the tedious search for places to eat that 1)can accommodate our dietary requirements without undue fuss, and 2)that I don't consider outrageously overpriced. I'm sorry, but £20 for two bowls of noodles with tofu and a few strands of green onion (for example) is just way out of line. We managed to eat very well indeed and still bring home a bag of leftover groceries (which I likened to Jesus feeding the multitudes) for a total of £53.00. (Yes, I kept receipts). That means 12 meals for 2 came to only £2.21 per meal, with a bag of groceries thrown in for free! We couldn't have done that even if we'd had crappy pub meals and McDonald's every day. How else could 2 people possibly eat for for £4.42 total. A glass wine will cost you more. Which is what I find so outrageous about the whole 'eating out' thing. I figure we've saved at least £65 on food costs, even if we'd eaten the cheapest possible restaurant meals.

We also saved so much money by taking the car that it's unbelievable. If we'd had to use public transport, it would have cost us £168.80 just for the returns to Canterbury. (If we'd traveled off-peak, £115. However that would mean precious hours of daylight shaved off our first day as we'd arrive so late). BUT we also went to Leeds Castle, Whitstable and St. Albans, and to do that by public transport would be most inconvenient. To get to Leeds Castle off-peak would be £23.60, plus £10.00 for the shuttle to the castle. To get to Whitstable and St. Albans would have meant taking interminable busses, and that would probably mean we would not have been able to see both before catching our train back home to Nuneaton. All totaled, to try to do what we did by public transport (not even taking into account being a slave to the timetables) we would have spent about £225. But guess how much we spent in fuel: £39.50. And we've arrived home with just over half a tank. So in transport we've saved £185, roughly.

The money we saved on food and transport was enough to pay for the holiday apartment, all admission fees, and the souvenirs and other items we bought. (Derek got a hat and I found some new exercise clothes in a fitness/dancewear shop!)

I was most pleased with the whole journey. It makes me happy to save money, so I was better able to enjoy what we saw and did while there. All in all, a wonderful trip! We saw:

Canterbury Cathedral
Canterbury Castle
Canterbury Roman Museum
Canterbury Roman walls
all of the old part of Canterbury
Leeds Castle and Aviary
Whitstable town centre
Whitstable Harbour
Whitstable Castle
St Albans town centre
St Albans Cathedral
St Albans Roman Museum and Mosaics

Sunday, 18 January 2009

Secrets of a Former Fat Girl

Secrets of a Former Fat Girl

I picked up this book on recommendation from Anna Down Under.

There were some points in the book I could relate to, but overall, this one didn't do it for me. As Former Fat Girls, Lisa Delaney and I have different philosophies on several points. We share a few, as well, but overall, we will have to agree to disagree on a lot!

She's got 7 secrets, and I don't think she'd care if I mention them all here.

Secret #1: Forget dieting. Lisa says that you should start with exercise and not worry about diet when embarking on your journey. Since weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise, I think this is not particularly good advice. I get where she's coming from, I just don't agree with her. She strongly discourages working out at home as well. Basically, she and I approached the exercise part of our journeys in completely opposite ways. I lost 30 pounds with Weight Watchers before I even started exercising, she started exercising long before she eventually went to Weight Watchers. She says go to a club or join something to work out because you won't do it at home, I have always worked out at home on my own because I know I would never go to a club. So go figure.

Secret #2: Keep it a secret. Lisa says you shouldn't tell others too much about what you're doing because they question and sabatoge you. She's got a point. People trying to lose weight make the mistake of making big announcements about they're changing their whole lives, then proceed to bore you with the litany of every single thing they ate every day for the last week. This is because, as Lisa rightly says, Fat Girls are obsessed with food. And as she also rightly says, most other people really don't care about it and so we should just keep it to ourselves. I've been lucky in that my husband is very supportive of me in just the right way. He cheers me on and never says a negative word about any of it, ever. But not everyone is so lucky.

Secret #3: Adopt INO:'It's not an option' This is the best chapter in the book, the one I most strongly identify with, and is the closest Lisa and I get to sharing a weight-loss/lifestyle-change philosophy. I've been operating under INO for years. It works.

Secret #4: See yourself slim Part of every journey to the FFG status is learning that you're not fat anymore. This means dealing with clothing and how it looks on you, all that sort of thing. I still catch sight of myself in window reflections and get a surprise at my size.

Secret #5: Remember, you are not like other people Fat Girls spend a lot of time wondering why everyone else seems to be able to eat what they want and not be fat, and to not be obsessed by food. They wonder why they can't do that, too. As Lisa says, it's because we are not like other people. I am not, and never will be, like other people, when it comes to food. I am always going to be thinking about it, preparing it, eating it, shopping for it, working it off. As Lisa says,

I began to stop expecting myself to leave half of my dessert on the plate as other girls seemed to do so easily. I began to accept the fact that for me, it was better not to order it in the first place, because once it was in front of me, there was no stopping. I began to define a 'new normal' for myself, one that was based on a true understanding of my feelings and attitudes about food as a Fat Girl.

Lisa came to this understanding through Weight Watchers. And I did, too, to an extent. People talk about 'everything in moderation', but Fat Girls and Former Fat Girls know that doesn't work for us. We have our own version of normal.

One thing Lisa says in this section that I heartily approve of is her advice on 'obsessing':

Here's the thing: You have to obsess to some extent to break out of the Fat Girl eating habits and shed the Fat Girl mindset. By obsessing, I mean measuring, weighing, keeping a calorie tally. I mean using INO out the wazoo. I mean setting rules about what you will and will not eat and how much...You will get flack for this from outside observers, but trust yourself, trust me, and trust the Former Fat Girl program: you have to take a hard line if you want to reach your goals physically and personally.

Yes, your attention to your diet and your exercise may seem 'immoderate' or 'obsessive' to some. So what! It's your life. Do you want to be a Fat Girl that no one makes comments about (to her face) or a Former Fat Girl who is in control of her life?

Secret #6: Protect yourself from the pushers Another experience all FFGs share: people making comments about your efforts and your methods. People saying you've gone overboard, that you've developed an eating disorder. People trying to get you to eat more, offering you stuff, saying that you don't have to worry because you'll burn it off in your next insane workout session. Lisa's advice here is good: make a noncommittal noise, a vague smile and suck it up.

About 30 pounds ago, there was this one woman at work who used to say to me daily, after eyeing my lunch, 'You'll never be a stick insect, you know.' As the weight continued to drop off me, she changed to, 'That lunch looks remarkably healthy' or 'Here's a girl who will never have scurvy.' The content changed but the attitude remained the same: something was wrong with my choices. People look at my lunch and say, out of the blue, 'I could never do without meat!' or 'I have to have my cheese!' While eating their slices of ham or jacket potatoes smothered in melting cheese. I've learned it's best to just say nothing. Lisa has, too.

Secret #7: Happiness lives in the uncomfort zone. I felt uncomfortable with this whole aspect of Lisa's book, so I guess I should have been pretty happy! All through her book, she lists in same breath being fat, not having a decent career, and not having a boyfriend or husband. As if to say, you can't have a career or be loved if you're fat. I strongly disagree with that. I think there really can be a separation the three. Like when she says,

Food wasn't fun. Food wsn't nurturing or comforting. It wasn't self-love. It wasn't other-love--not the way I used it. It was keeping me stuck in my 'big-boned' body, in my second-rate job, in my always-the-friend-never-the-girlfriend love life. It was keeping me stuck in the comfortable place that I so wanted to escape.

Actually, umm, no it wasn't. Food wasn't keeping you stuck in a second-rate job with no boyfriend, Lisa, you were doing that. Food was just keeping you stuck in those size 16 jeans. Lots of Fat Girls have great jobs and fantastic husbands. Saying things like that perpetuates the magical thinking of 'if only I could lose weight my life would be wonderful and I would be empowered in so many new and exciting ways.' THAT IS SO NOT TRUE. Losing weight will make you smaller and, if you do it properly, healthier. That's it. I hate to think of the Fat Girls who read this book and come away with magical thinking. DON'T. Changing your eating and lifestyle might open your mind in new ways that could lead to a better job and 'true love', but don't expect those things to fall into your lap just because your thighs are thinner. And don't believe that you will automatically have the courage and conviction to go for a dream job just because you've lost a few stone. It's not the same thing. I mean, look at Oprah. She's the inverse of that old magical thinking!

Overall the book is okay. I still think 'Confessions of a Reformed Dieter' is the best Former Fat Girl book I've read so far, though. :)

Saturday, 17 January 2009

My birthday prezzie

I turn 42 on 27th January, and this is what I bought myself. No, not a defibrillator--a Polar F4 heartrate monitor!

I've wanted a HRM for a long time, but was always afraid of them, thinking the technology would be too confusing. But this simple HRM was easy to program straight out of the box, and for my needs, it's just fine! I used it last night to see how many calories I burned during my little Cardio Sculpt Blaster workout. (Actually, I did it just to test out the monitor!) I got my heart rate up to my target zone for a bit under 20 minutes, and burned 192 calories. That's not bad for a 30-minute workout that I consider intermediate. Can't wait to see how I do on one of the long, intense workouts!

Monday, 12 January 2009

Think of something that makes your whole person smile

I left a note on Vegan Chick's blog as a response to her entry Breaking Out of that Comfort Zone. She had posted a list of really adventurous things she intends to try in 2009, things like, 'Learn to play an instrument', 'Go whale watching,' 'Write a book'! Just reading her lists made me feel uneasy--thinking of stepping out and doing things, I mean. So I asked her how I can break out a bit. In her response, she advised me, 'Think of something that makes your whole person smile. Do that. Every day.'

Hmm. This is going to take some time. Just off hand, I can't think of anything that makes my whole person smile. I can think of things I've accomplished, things I'm proud of, things I enjoy, things I esteem, things I aspire to, things that I am moved by, things that annoy me, things that challenge me, and things that make me cry. But I can't, off the bat, think of anything that 'makes my whole person smile'.

'Think for a second,' Vegan Chick wrote to me, '--what makes you laugh? What makes you smile? What makes you happy inside? Choose something very small to do that makes you feel good. Very small. Whatever that means for you.'

Well, umm, it makes me feel good to work out. I have to admit I really enjoy doing my home exercise DVDs. I enjoy them while I'm doing them, and I enjoy the way I feel after I've finished.

It makes me feel good to go out into the British countryside and hike along a well-established and way-marked trail. That is one of my favourite things to do, ever. (As long as it's not overrun with other walkers. In this, Wainwright and I are in agreement!)

It makes me happy to write and doodle in my journal. I enjoy writing things down and parsing out the days. (Although lately, it's become a bit alarming to me how many of these days have slipped by in what I've thought of until lately as 'routine contentment' but which I am now beginning to suspect is actually a plain old rut).

Something small. Very small. Something very small that makes me happy.


Sparkly things.


Writing my blog.

Reading other blogs and checking my message boards...

I don't know. I can't think. I think this is because I don't really do anything. Not in the sense Vegan Chick must have meant. I'm a very solitary person; all my pursuits and my comfort zone are, well, insular. But some part of me must want to break out. I put it all here on this blog nobody reads (present company excepted). I will open up to anyone who gives me a chance. But there's just this feeling that something's out of balance, and I think Vegan Chick hit it when she said,

'We have each been given certain gifts. But these gifts are not for us. They are for others. We can open the gift, but we must give it away. And not to do that is being selfish and irresponsible.'

The universe keeps sending me this message.

It may be time for me to stop hiding from it.

Sunday, 11 January 2009

Memoirs of Fat Girls

I love books about food, weight, health and all that stuff. I've often posted about my favourite health books and vegan books, but never said much about the fat girl stories. So I thought I'd create a list of 'fat girl memoirs'. They're all books I've read or that I'd like to read.

Confessions of a Reformed Dieter I bought this book by AJ Rochester back when I still was a fat girl, in my early Weight Watchers days. It's very funny and I've read it numerous times over the years. I dropped it in the bathtub once and it's totally warped and crumpled. That's the test of a true favourite, I think, at least for me. If it looks like it's passed through the bowels of a goat a few times, you know I've loved and read it over and over.

The Secrets of Skinny Chicks
I reviewed this book about a month ago. I really enjoyed it because it takes a close look at the daily food and exercise of women who maintain a high level of fitness. It's a realistic look at what you have to do to maintain skinniness--and it has nothing to do with Atkins, South Beach or Sugar Busters, and everything to do with overall calorie-intake and exercise-output. That's all there is to it!

Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding Myself This one intrigues me because 1)many reviews are negative; they say the author is very disagreeable! and 2)it turns out the author gained her weight back and is involved with a blog called 'Angry Fat Girlz'! I don't think I'd find this book terribly inspirational, but it would be interesting to see the other side of the coin, I suppose. I mean, just the title, to me, shows that she never intended to stay thin to begin with! Not all fat girls are jolly...

Which brings me round to Fat Girl This one I've read, and I have to say it is NOT meant to be an inspirational I-did-it-you-can-too book. It's more akin to the misery memoirs, such as Dave Pelzer's excruciatingly harrowing and depressingly popular 'Child Called It' books and their dismal copycats. The author remembers what it was like to be a fat kid, a fat adolescent, and a fat woman. Her book is a combination of food porn, painfully detached descriptions of her own body, and anecdotes of varying degrees of emotional abuse. Offering no easy answers for how she got that way or how she might improve her situation, I found it an uncomfortable read. Here's Judith Moore's explanation for why she wrote it. I still can't help but think her 'I am fat and screw you' attitude is just the usual cover-up for wanting to be thin. I don't care what any of them say, all fat girls want to be thin. And while being fat is a very complicated and painful thing, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. And yes, there is a way out of that darkness...but sadly, not for Moore, who died in 2006, at age 66.

The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl Now this one looks really fun. I browsed it a bit in a bookshop a couple of years ago and might pick it up yet! It's based on the blog of a Scotland-dwelling Aussie girl (the second Aussie girl in my list!) who lost loads of weight and was invited to write a book about it! Here's her website.

Feeding the Hungry Heart: The Experience of Compulsive Eating This one is a classic, and one I read about 20 years ago, long before I got the courage to make some changes in my life and finally lose the weight. It's a must-read for fat girls. If you've ever eaten from the trash can or managed to consume an entire loaf of bread while standing at the kitchen sink, this book will resonate with you. (Yes, I've done both. And more.)

Half-Assed: A Weight-loss Memoir I actually found out about this one while looking for the book Anna recommended, 'Secrets of a Former Fat Girl'. (I will post my review of that one as soon as I've finished it...) 'Half-Assed' is another weight-loss blogger's book! Apparently, her blog was noticed by a book editor and she was invited to write a book, same as Shauna Reid ('Diet Girl'). Wow! That's just amazing. I'd like to give the book a go. Here's the blog.

One thing that surprises me about both Shauna Reid (Diet Girl) and Jeanette Fulda (Half-Assed) is the maintenance weight they set themselves. At 5'8", Shauna settled at 175lbs (79.5kg), and Jeanette, 5'9", has stopped at 180lbs (82kg). While they both look great, I just wonder why they didn't go ahead and lose the rest. According to conventional wisdom, they both have roughly 30lbs to go. I'm just wondering--why not take it all the way? Shaun says she settled for a 'sane size 14.' So, is size 10 insane? I mean, I realise that their ending weight is not far from my starting weight, and each of them has lost nearly as much as I weighed when I started, but still. Curious as to why they didn't just continue with it.

Obviously, I don't have the money to buy all these books which I'll read in 2 days' time and then plonk on the shelf until they go to a charity shop! So it looks like I'm going to be busy making inter-library loan requests!

Thursday, 8 January 2009

Just a fly-by post to say...

Today is the 19th day of writing down every single thing I eat, including all nibbles, bites, licks and tidbits. This morning I weighed 134.0! I have worked out consistently and tried really hard during workouts to give my all. I am very happy to see this number again, and look forward to moving down the 130s toward that elusive number: 129! It would be such a triumph for me to weigh in the 120s again for the first time since the early 1980s! (It's kind of weird to think that the weight I am now is what I weighed when I wore a size 13/14 around 1985ish, but now in the US it would be a size 6 or 8. Truly bizarre. If the vanity sizes continue, everyone will be wearing negative numbers!)

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Wow, a new year!

New Year is always a weird time. It feels like it should be a fresh beginning, yet everything is still the same.

Here's the sad thing, I fell asleep during the fireworks show on TV last night. Hubby and I were watching the New Year display at the London Eye, airing as usual on BBC1, and about half-way through the show, I fell asleep. Ridiculous.

Anyway, it's been so cold all day we haven't set a toenail outside the flat.

Today's food
Breakfast: 2 cups plain Caro, peanut butter and jam toast
Snack: small banana
Lunch: miso soup, brown rice and yam cake noodle chirashi zushi with yuzu and pickled ginger
Snack: half a punnet of blueberries and a quarter cup of leftover vegetables
Bad nibble: 2 bourbon cream biscuits and a small chocolate chip cookie
Dinner: vegetarian pepper steak, spinach and potatoes

Today's meditation
15 minutes sitting meditation