Saturday, 2 May 2009

Ain't got much to say these days

What can I tell you about my life lately? Nothing's happened to me that hasn't happened to everyone. I've been unhappy with my body, I've eaten poorly in spite of that. I've lost a parent and have yet to really realise it. I've felt guilty for everything from air pollution to being an absentee parent. I've felt inferior to some and superior to others. I've treated perfect strangers with more respect and civility than I have those closest to me. I've slept, got up, gone to work, come home, cooked dinner, gone to bed and done it all over again, over and over. I've spent a lot of time thinking about the past and the future. What little time I've managed to be in the Now, I've spent it worrying that I don't spend enough time in the Now. It's been a weird month.

I've been reading 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle. I'm ruminating over it. I'm mulling over it. I've been comforted by it, I've applied it in the oddest settings. My dad's funeral. In the airport when my plane was delayed and my flight was diverted from 11.30 am to 7.15 pm! I bought myself a copy so I can mark it up with different colour highlighter pens. I've been going through it finding sentences that I can remember in difficult moments when I need to practice being in the Now the most. My favourite one during all this has been:

'Accept--then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.'

I also have had good results using the following as cues:

'No matter what happens, I will create no more pain for myself. I will create no more problems.'

'Do not be concerned with the fruit of your action--just give attention to the action itself. The fruit will come of its own accord.'
(This one has proven very useful when applied to my driving lessons.)

Here's my new biggie. It may take me awhile to memorize it:

'Don't look for peace. Don't look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted to peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.'

4 comments:

Tess said...

Those are some really good quotes :) I find reading books like these always cheer me up. I seem to create so many problems for myself just by thinking too much.

Another quote I like is "Know this and be okay with it: not everyone is going to like you" from the Skinny
Bitchin' journal.

You've had a tough time recently though, you should get some 'me' time. Hot baths with incence and stuff like that x

Lynn Haraldson-Bering said...

{{carla}} Thank you for posting this. May you soon have happiness and the roots of happiness. I'm sorry you're in such a place of non-peace, but it's heartening to read how you're dealing with it. You've given me much to contemplate.

Jessica Maybury said...

Thanks for posting this. I know exactly how you feel. I joined a kind of support group forum, which was daunting, but actually the people are so kind that it has been a positive experience thing. It might be handy if you need another place to vent? Anyway the site is mdjunction.com

And Tess, I do the thinking too! It's stupid but I can't stop!

Louann said...

Excellent quotes! I think this book might help me quit smoking. (I have a quit date, and I am very determined) LOVE the one about peace!
I am so sorry for your loss.
Lou