Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Ugh


138.0, that's how much.

Yep.

Well, these things happen when you've spent the last 6 months eating pretty much anything you want. For about a year and a half, I maintained at 134, but it's crept up to 135, 136, occasionally wobbling into 137, then today--138.0!

But there's no big mystery to it. Look at yesterday for example. Let me see if I can even remember what I ate.

wholemeal toast with coconut oil, marmite, peanut butter and no-sugar added strawberry jam, black decaf

35g raw food bar and a dark chocolate biscuit

7 small falafels on a mixed salad, an instant cup of soup, a soy yogurt, 2 more biscuits

another biscuit

another biscuit

2 handfuls of granola cereal

roast potatoes, asparagus, faux-chicken breast with gravy and a wholemeal pita

For the last few months, most of my calories are coming from junk. Those biscuits I ate have 127 calories in 2. I checked the packet AFTER I ate them. In fact, I decided to have that last one after I read the packet. Even though I know it takes about 20 minutes of aerobics to burn 127 calories. A cookie that takes 10 seconds to eat takes 10 minutes to burn off. Yet still I ate it.

In fact, this was a relatively good day for me because I didn't eat chips with loads of sugary ketchup for dinner.

Oh, I don't know. I can make excuses about stress and all that, but they're only excuses.

If I allow myself to get to 140, I don't know what I'll do. I just can't do that. I have to be in the 130s, I just have to. I was looking at my photos from 2006, when I was down to 131 for a long time. I looked good at that weight. I want to be back there again. I know if I gain anymore, people are going to be able to see it. I can already see it, even though I'm still wearing all the same clothes. I've always been the type of build that has to lose or gain a LOT in order to go up or down a clothes size.

BUT I AM NOT GOING UP A CLOTHES SIZE! Oh, hell no. That is simply not going to happen.

The warm days are coming, and with them the cheaper and more abundant produce. Time to rejoin the veg box scheme and get back with the program.

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