Thursday, 26 November 2009

Okay then

I had a job interview yesterday that I was dreading. I applied for the job for just two reasons: it's the only step up from my current post, and it's closer to where hubby works. The actual job itself, I was not keen on doing. I guess that came through in the interview because I was not selected. My reaction was as joyful and relieved as it is for most people when they GET the job.

Why are we always questioning and pushing and thinking we should be striving to achieve more, or to move on? Why is it not okay to just like the job you're in, because you can do it easily and everything is comfortable? Why do we have this idea that we should be pushing the envelope, looking to be 'stretched and challenged', moving away from comfort and complacency? Yes, I said complacency. Why is complacency considered a bad thing? Even the word 'complacent', which actually literally means to find peace in something, has come to have a shade of meaning that there is a danger in being okay with your situation as it is. Well, maybe I don't want a grit of sand that I can turn into a pearl. Irritation and 'challenge' (which really means stress!) at work are not required by me, thank you.

I suppose the Buddhist perspective on the danger of complacency is the clinging to the illusion of permanence, the delusion that we can by force of will (ie, by fearing change) keep bad things from happening. That's not what I'm talking about here, at least I think it's not! I can also say with some confidence that I am not afraid of change. If a job came along that I really wanted, I would leave my current one in a heartbeat. But it would have to be one that I REALLY wanted, and not one that I 'ought' to go for.

Occasionally I forget that I'm leading my own life. I start hearkening to what other people think or how other people might perceive things or behave, and I make decisions based on what other people might do or expect me to do. Other people might apply for a job that's the next step up, even though they don't really want it. They might be able to bluff their way into it, then tolerate it. But I'm not other people, I'm me. Sometimes I forget that it's my life and it's okay for me to live it how I want. Strange but true.

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